Parental Sanity Keepers

There are some genuine benefits we have now days when it comes to infant care and convenience. The motorized swing is one. It soothes colicky babies without parents having to sit there and rock them and can allow them to have a respite from the crying and screaming that often accompanies colic. This could be a good prevention practice for shaken baby syndrome.

Then you have those lovely seats that children sit in and can bounce from the door frame or roll around the kitchen floor. These are fantastic for keeping there leg muscles moving without the parents having to walk stooped over across the living room floor four dozen times in 20 minutes. This always tires out the parents way before the child.

The most recent in convenient infant care are baby bath rings. No longer do you have to worry about constantly holding up a slippery baby, they can sit nicely in the baby bath rings while your hands are free to make sure shampoo never reaches their eyes. Plus, baby bath rings can help safeguard against infant drownings. There are definitely some added bonuses to having these conveniences for your infant's care. Plus, they help a lot with parental sanity.

Sell My Site

If there were a nice property with a sign out front stating “sell my site” it would probably make any passing real estate agent complete a hasty u-turn and wipe the tiniest amount of drool from their lip as they cope with the increased mouth watering over such potential. Poor, poor real estate agent. In their hasty first pass they failed to notice the small print at the bottom of the sign stating “website broker needed.” It could be helpful for all involved if there was a dual license available for real estate agents. They could specialize as a land and website broker. This would make things easier for many people who have no idea what to do with a website domain once they have it and no longer need it, except to let it expire by letting the bill lapse. Then for the next three years, reminders will be conveniently sent to their home to remind them they had no idea what to do with that old website. It could be a relief to have a real estate agent who can also broker websites. There could definitely be some new advertising potential and being generally ambitious people who deal with picky clients regularly, they may enjoy the inanimate silence a website provides.

Where are the Swings?

It used to be that quality commercial playground equipment could be found at parks and schools. Recently playground equipment has become a popular product to put in backyards for residential use. Though this is a great feature for parents who encourage their children to spend time playing outside, families have become less dependent on quality parks and school playgrounds to provide fun play spaces. With this and the increase in liability issues, there is a huge decrease in the number of parks and playgrounds that have swing sets as part of their setting. This is a tragedy for children who do not have swings in their backyard. Most playground equipment poses a liability risk due to injury or misuse. But, for some reason swings have been targeted as a more likely culprit than the rest, and therefore left out of the lineup.

I would venture to argue that playground equipment is not complete without a decent set of swings. It would be like a park without a slide. Swings and slides have been the staple for recreation areas for years. If the number of accidents occurring on slides increases, will they be chopped from parks as well? It would mark another tragic death due to liability, like the swings.

Fly Fishing Waders

Waders are one of the greatest inventions of modern man. The practicality of being able to stand in waist high water can come in fairly useful in a variety of situations. There are the more obvious examples such as fishing trips where you have to walk in the water as you push out your boat. Then there are the fly fishing trips where you spend the entire day standing in water. There are also tasks more close to home such as cleaning the muck out of the local irrigation ditches, conquering the pesky pool filter clog before work, dealing with the sewer system or water pipe damage in your basement, or my favorite, maintaining your backyard fishing pond.

The one drawback to waders is the occasional sudden downpour. If you were fly fishing in the middle of a river in Montana when a sudden rainstorm occurred, your waders would be more likely to catch the rain and leave you walking in the middle of a personal puddle than help you remain dry. Fortunately, most fisherman have a decent eye for gauging weather and will mosey back to the cabin before the rain hits unless they have a personal vendetta against a certain fish—then there's no telling what they will endure in their waders.

Camera Magic

Cameras are a highlight to take on any vacation or trip. I once received a free wide angle lens camera and took it with me to the zoo—that was the most fascinating trip to the zoo ever. There is something magical about looking at the world with the goal of finding a piece of life that expresses a moment of beauty, horror, solitude, glory, triumph, or complete boredom. Being able to capture those snippets of emotion that intrigue a viewer is challenging to say the least.

We have speed shutters, zoom lenses, and wide angle lenses, but especially with the popularity of digital cameras growing, we need new shutters. For example, we could have accordion shutters. These would split the exposure of the film or digital feed into halves, thirds, fourths, or fifths. Accordion shutters would be perfect at the Dade County zoo! You could have the top third be the head of an elephant, the middle third be the body of a flamingo, and the bottom portion could be alligator feet, but it would all be taken from real live photos—none of that photoshop magic. Yes, I like the idea of accordion shutters. It could add a whole new dimension to photography. I thought a panorama lense was awesome—accordion would definitely top that.

Daunting Travel

Historically, traveling can be a daunting experience. Before yellow cabs, the subway, airplanes, boats, buses, and limousine service, travel was only attempted by the strong and brave. Take our modern marathon. The length of a marathon comes from the distance a messenger had to run to deliver some urgent news before he dropped dead once the message was complete. Talk about strength, dedication, and health hazard. I doubt he would have complained if a limousine service had been available, but then we would not have our marathons.

Another example of an ancient pony express was the Inca runners. The Incas built this long road almost the entire length of their empire and every mile they would have a station where a strong, fast runner would wait. It was a lot like modern relay races. One runner would come speeding up, the next runner would begin and match his pace while the first delivered the message and then stop as the new runner keeps going. Only the strong were allowed to do this and it was their main method of getting messages across the kingdom.

In modern times, travel is definitely not just for the strong and brave. It isn't really a hazard to your health, yet we can definitely complain about it. If the limousine service is five minutes late, you might get an earful. If the cab driver can't get you from New York to Washington DC in a few hours, you might be annoyed, and if you are planning on going through the airport terminal, be prepared for numerous delays. Though the annoyance is understandable, try to keep it in perspective. After all, now we run marathons for fun.

Ten Reasons

Ten Reasons Why the Worst Place to Meet Your Spouse is a Fashion Designer Consignment Shop:
1. You know they have expensive taste, even if it is consignment upscale
2. They may break their habit and decide to shop retail
3. High probability they are at the consignment fashion shop because of credit card debt
4. You will probably have to plan on 4 different closets: purses, shoes, accessories, clothes
5. Your children will be adorable in the family photo, and then you'll get the bill
6. Imagine the exponential shopping bill growth of teenagers with fashion taste
7. The names of the shoes will be more familiar than the in-laws and grandma
8. Every season is like entering a whole new candy shop of choices—the seasons never end
9. Holiday gift expectations require you to have designer knowledge
10. Consignment fashion styles can change as rapidly as hair color
Though the initial approach could be invigorating, be wary of the effect a well planned outfit can have. Skills in this department cannot be underrated for their visual appeal. Of course, there is the ultimate question...if you met someone there, what were you doing in a fashion designer consignment shop? It could be a match made for the fashion books.

Street Urchin Students

Forced service projects are becoming popular at colleges now. Think about it, you have a mass of people who have signed on to do what they have to in order to gain a piece of paper that is supposed to validity to their interests and skills. Obviously they want the validation and as such, deans have access to a pool of “lackeys” who in some ways are like lemmings and must do his bidding. Sound a lot like a dictatorship? There are some definite similarities.

If you were to compare the situation to a designer handbag consignment shop owner who sees a certain bag lady with a treasure of a consignment handbag she somehow managed to find, my guess is the designer handbag consignment shop owner would not blink an eye at employing a street urchin to acquire it.

Likewise, why would a dean blink an eye at potential labor that not only is of eligible working age and obviously could use some good experience, but also build the positive image of the university? It's a win-win right? Cause obviously the street urchin would never think to acquire the handbag of his own volition. Why else would he be hanging around the designer handbag consignment shop?

Color Smarts

Did you know there is an official book of colors? There is. It is tremendously expensive, which makes it a slight privilege to have seen, but it exists. It has practical purposes such as helping airliners speak to the people designing their burberry fabric seats with accuracy and don't end up with a fuchsia monstrosity when they wanted a more subtle mauve.

Can you imagine ordering Louis Vuitton fabric for a hundred thousand designer purses and ending up with an algae slime or teal instead a soothing sea green? If that were to happen, Gucci fabric would have a heyday until their midnight blue looked like the black hole on Star Trek.

Cinderella could have had a great time with this color book. Of course, any prince would be nuts to give such a thing to a new princess bride. Castles are huge and the amount of redecorating possible would empty the royal coffers in minutes. No, he was smart to keep the book locked in the library, that way she stays content with pumpkin coach fabric and will never know the difference.

In a more modern setting, there are college professors who use this book for classroom competitions. Secretly, they may be searching for the next great color communicator to work with the airlines and busing services.

A Question of Sanity

When you look at shows like cops and see the massive civil disputes, car chases, and DUI encounters that can occur, it makes you wonder what a person was thinking to become a defense attorney. If you become a defense attorney, you are earning the privilege to spend a lot of time with people who are possibly guilty, perhaps in enclosed spaces. That could take some guts. Prosecuting someone couldn't be too much more pleasant since if you lose, there is the possibility of a grudge, but it seems like you wouldn't have to spend quite so much time alone with them.

The whole idea of being in an enclosed space with a criminal is eerily similar to a confession booth for a priest. If you want to be a defense attorney or a priest, you have the whole attorney-client privilege and are like a container for people's secrets with no outlet for you. How would that wear on you with time? I can't imagine it would be pleasant.

On the other hand, say you have an innocent person, Charlotte, sitting in a jail cell. It could be kind of noble and rewarding to be her defense attorney. Maybe those cases make the rest of the risks worth it...maybe.

Circus Teeth

With the advent of health care and services like cosmetic dentistry it's amazing how much more sheltered and reactive people can be when they meet someone who hasn't participated in more modern oral hygiene matters. For instance, you go to a convalescent center and little kid meets an older person who didn't have braces when younger. What does the kid do? Recoil in fright because the teeth are crooked and could use some cosmetic dentistry. It's the recoil though. Think of the older person. They lived with their teeth for plenty long and would not even think twice if the kid was missing some. Even better, introduce the kid to a glass sitting innocently by the bedside with dentures in it and then have them look at the old person. There is a look you should witness at least once in your life. Cosmetic dentistry is taken as a byword now, but think of the long term effects. Potentially crooked teeth could have merit for a side show in a circus in Washington DC. Forget the super strong man or the lady with two different colored eyes. Steroids and contacts have ruined the novelty of those. No, the future of circus shows is in crooked teeth.

Elizabethtown

I saw a movie recently called Elizabethtown and absolutely loved it. It's kind of surreal in nature. Suicidal guy has to deal with crazy relatives to plan his dad's funeral near Louisville. He meets an equally neurotic stewardess on the flight there who can match him in quirks. It's fascinating watching the heating and cooling of family relationships as he deals with past grudges and current arguments. The quirky girl helps him with his cousins screaming kid by sending a video of a house being blown up—that part was hilarious and had me laughing out loud.

The characters themselves go through these phases of heating and cooling off in their own passions. Really, you look at the main character and he is a creative shoe designer who can't help but build this elaborate contraption to do himself in. You think he's getting over it, and halfway through you find out he's still planning on returning and following through. The girl drives all the way out to meet him, then nothing happens. Later, she changes her work schedule, drives out, hangs out at the hotel, and comes to the memorial service, all while keeping up the facade of a fake boyfriend. Gotta love the combination of southern Louisville charm and unpredictable characters.

Natural Disasters

Don't you love phrases like “the next big one” and “imminent doom” to brighten up your morning? It's funny, I go through phases where I will watch the news for a while and find the lovely depressing news a hilarious way to start the day, and other times, I won't watch it at all. Out of robberies, murders, and natural disasters, the latter is definitely my favorite. Within the natural disaster spectrum, the ring of fire events are by far the most intriguing. Take the movie Independence Day, the portrayal of Steve being so calm when they think there has been an earthquake is fascinating to me. I bet people who live in Los Angeles, Long Beach, or Orange County are actually like that.

What happens to their floor leveling though? I once was told that some earthquakes can cause the floor to literally roll like a wave toward you. It reminds me of a carnival ride. Except, houses usually have concrete foundations. How would you complete a foundation repair after your concrete has rolled like a wave? It boggles the mind to think that the ground beneath us can turn to such a liquid state. It seems sturdy enough normally. It would be cool to see, but I don't think I really want to find out.

Dharma

There used to be a show called Dharma and Greg, I think it aired on a national level. I thought it was hilarious. Straight-laced guy loves way weird girl who has crazy messed up parents. Good for lots of laughs right? There's a used minibus for sale, which reminded me of one of my favorite episodes. Dharma's car breaks down and she decides to go purchase another vehicle without her husband. When her husband gets home he finds a huge yellow bus in front of their city apartment. She couldn't help it, she fell in love with the bus and decided to buy it.

He thinks she's nuts for buying a bus. I half agree with him because it would require a CDL license, but she finds all of these random uses for the bus, which are actually fairly practical and helpful. At the end of the show her bus breaks and he tells her she can go pick out a new car/vehicle because she is so sad. When he gets back from work, she has him look out the window and guess what she bought. He stares out the window and starts listing off all the strange vehicles he sees like converted bus, motorhomes bus, garbage truck...you get the picture. The last vehicle he saw was my favorite, a cherry picker—how random is that? Check it out if you get the chance.

Good fences?

Have you ever heard the phrase "good fences make good neighbors?"  It's from a poem by Robert Frost, I think.  Is it really true though?  I mean what kind of fencing is he thinking of?  Maybe it is some super durable magical mediation fencing of some sort.  I know the images portrayed of Brady Bunch like characters chatting away the afternoon over some short white picket fencing deal.  Have you ever seen that in real life? 

From what I've heard, your fencing won't stop an angry neighbor.  Besides the fact that whatever fencing you choose has some sort of gate or entry in it that is useful for you, but also usable by your neighbor.  Wouldn't they generally target your front door if upset?  It is completely contrary to the Brady Bunch scene, but wouldn't fencing between neighbors cause more of a yelling match that could be heard by everyone?  I mean, the fencing does create a natural barrier to sound that needs to be overcome if even poor communication is going to occur.  Unless, of course, your fencing has empty sections in it.  That poses an interesting question.  Would open  or closed fencing work better for good neighbors?  Who knows, they've probably done a study on it already. 

Whoever related fencing with good neighbors probably had nice neighbors already and was in denial.  A little like Bugs Bunny, who could always find his way to Albuquerque to make the wrong turn but was probably in denial about the fact he had no idea where he was headed in the first place.

Strange parenting

Have you ever wondered about those people who treat their pets as if they are substitute children?  I saw a television special once about a lady who had a pet monkey who wore diapers and who she would take to the park to play by walking him there in a stroller.  It made me wonder...if her "baby" gets sick, who would she take him to?  A doctor or an animal clinic?  The animal clinic seems a much more appropriate place to me, but with the obvious emotional attachment factor, would she attempt a doctor?  If she were so bold, would the doctor refer her to an animal clinic?  How much expertise does an MD have when it comes to a monkey?  I can't remember where she was, someplace sunny like Dallas.  Wherever she is though, I would not want to be the animal clinic specialist who has to watch the monkey while she goes on vacation.  Wait...I made a gross assumption.  There is potential for a nanny or babysitter, but seriously, how would you explain that this very well treated monkey would need to sleep in a kennel like enclosure?  I think pandemonium would ensue.  That is what any good parent would do...right?

Really?

Have you ever seen the commercial advertising window cleaner where the wife tricks her husband into doing the pool cleaning?  She presents the two chores option and has him pick the one he wants, which is the pool cleaning.  Meanwhile, she has an ace up her sleeve with the new window cleaner product that makes her job completely easy.  While his pool cleaning job takes him so long, she is changed into her swimwear and lounging on a floating bed in the pool while he is still doing the pool cleaning. 
I must admit it's memorable, which I guess is the purpose, but seriously, the pool is way too clean for him to be still working on it when she is lounging.  Plus, why is she in the pool while he's cleaning it?  Any normal guy would take one look at that pool and say well, that's good enough, and jump in.  Real life would definitely trump her strategy, especially if you're in someplace hot like Las Vegas.  No one in their right mind would stay by the poolside when they just obviously got duped.  Seriously, that lady is gloating and he just lets her.  Does that not bug anybody else? Maybe it's just me, but the whole scenario is strangely...absurd.  Course, it is just a window cleaner commercial. 

It would be nice...

It would be nice with how things operate, if all of us were as photogenic as children can be and models are made to appear.  Think about it, you get a drivers license, and then you are awarded an ID with your picture.  You want to attend school, you get another mugshot.  To make it even better, if you want to travel, you have to get a photo for the passports page.  At least the passports design has a little mercy, it has a cover that conceals the photo most of the time.  To add to this pleasantness, if you apply for another form of government ID, what photo do they say you can use?  Your passports image! 
Passports serve a great purpose in allowing us to travel.  However, if you are one of those people who uses their passports image on a regular basis, you're stuck showing the picture to any kind of authority figure who asks.  Picture it, even if your cab driver gets pulled over in Europe, most likely you are going to have to show your passports information as well.  Going on a trip to multiple countries, be prepared to show that passports image every time you cross a boundary.  That is one benefit to the United States, once there, at least you can travel to Chicago without pulling out that passports image again.